coffee bar engrish.com

dammit dammit

So upset. Eaves collapsed under the weight of snow and ice at the back of my 1950's vintage local wood motel, all old panelling. I can't even rent one room until it's fixed. Now the snow is gone, I got a bid, insurance finally paid up, and we're golden.
The builder fixing my roof lied to me, the hardware store flat out lied to me about what he snuck in on my lumber order, and then showed up late after I'd already left for an appointment. Sneaky-ass has now replaced 50' of vintage old-school grandfathered-under-code wooden beams with fucking chipboard that isn't even the same size, and already cut my support beams to fit. I can't even figure out if it's fixable, it will never pass inspection, there goes my bid to have it registered as a historic place, and the builder threw a tantrum, threatened me, yelled and threw shit until his help quit, so now he says he can't finish the job for several weeks. AND he thinks he should be paid in advance.
I don't know what to do.
Obviously I should go to the BBB to make a complaint. But, the local hardware store has been very good to me, always good advice and never steered me wrong, cut me in on good deals when they come in. Whoever this guy who lied to me- After playing 20 questions with all kinds of evasions, leading me to think he's a noob who just didn't know what he was looking at and ask very specific questions he finally said; yes, it's actual wood, and of course the dimensions (2 full inches wider than the shit really is!) are what you say you ordered, he said. So I approved the purchase, and paid. Turns out he's the builder's barbuddy, and a lumberyard manager at the hardware store.

Now, do I take this first to the hardware store so they can stop this bozo scammming anyone else, and probably destroy my working relationship with long-term suppliers? Or, can I put through a complaint without my name coming into it? Does anybody know?
tower

Sir Gawain And The Green Knight

as conceived by Mallory Ortberg
Yes, This is exactly how it happened

GREEN KNIGHT: hi hi
come over
it’ll be fun
we can whack off each other’s heads with swords

GAWAIN: what

GREEN KNIGHT: you can make out with my wife

GAWAIN: sorry what

GREEN KNIGHT: you can make out with me

GAWAIN: what?

GREEN KNIGHT: come over
we’ll have dinner
with all our heads on and also clothes

***

GAWAIN: your clothes – your hair – your face – they’re all green

GREEN KNIGHT: that’s not all of me that’s green

GAWAIN: what is that supposed to mean

GREEN KNIGHT: let’s play a game
you hit me today and i’ll hit you a year from now

GAWAIN: it’s Christmas

GREEN KNIGHT: fine
hit me today and i’ll hit you a year and a day from now
happy?

GAWAIN: I don’t understand the rules of this game
or the prize
what is the end goal here

GREEN KNIGHT: are you going to try to cut my head off or what

[GAWAIN cuts the GREEN KNIGHT’s head off]

GREEN KNIGHT: great hit
see you in a year

[The GREEN KNIGHT picks his head up and rides away]

GAWAIN: oh my God

KING ARTHUR: honestly
my advice to you is not even worry about this

GUINEVERE: yeah do not take this seriously

GAWAIN: why would I do that
that’s a terrible idea
this man can’t die and I have to let him strike me in a year

KING ARTHUR: look i just said that was my advice

***

GREEN KNIGHT: welcome to my castle, we’ve definitely never cut off each other’s heads before, my name is Bertilak and I am a regular human color, how are you

GAWAIN: Hello
thank you for your hospitality, but I cannot stay long
I have an appointment with a man at the Green Chapel in a few days

GREEN KNIGHT: that is JUST down the road from here, probably
you should just stay here until it’s time for that, stay here with me and my wife

GAWAIN: very well
I accept

GREEN KNIGHT: oh but shoot I have to go on a hunt, like right now
so why don’t we just agree to play a game for as long as you’re staying here
where I bring you whatever I find during the day
and you bring me whatever you find during the day

GAWAIN: what an odd suggestion
why don’t I just come hunting with you instead?

GREEN KNIGHT: NO
YOU STAY HERE IN THE CASTLE AND YOU GIVE ME WHATEVER YOU FIND HERE

GAWAIN: but you already own everything in the castle, it’s your c –

GREEN KNIGHT: I WILL SEE YOU ON THE MORROW

***

GAWAIN2LADY BERTILAK: whatcha kissin’

GAWAIN: what?
nothing

LADY BERTILAK: let’s make out

GAWAIN: I don’t feel like we should do that

LADY BERTILAK: if you don’t kiss me at least once it would really hurt my feelings

GAWAIN: well
if it would hurt your feelings

LADY BERTILAK: great
now you can make out with my husband tonight

GREEN KNIGHT: GAWAIN
I have brought you a deer from today’s hunt
what do you have for me

GAWAIN: I uh
I guess I have some kissing for you to have

GREEN KNIGHT: sounds great [they kiss]
ok see you tomorrow

GAWAIN: oh I really don’t want to play this game again, this is making me sort of unco –

GREEN KNIGHT: see you tomorrow

***

LADY BERTILAK: let’s have sex

GAWAIN: Okay, no for two reasons
one is that you are my host’s wife and also it goes against every vow of knighthood ever
and the second half of the second reason is that then I would have to also have sex with your husband
according to your weird castle sex game

LADY BERTILAK: mm that sounds like a Gawain problem
not a Lady Bertilak problem

GAWAIN: I’m not having sex with you

LADY BERTILAK: fine
here’s my underwear though, you have to take it
otherwise it would be rude

GAWAIN: well I don’t want to be rude
excuse me, I have to go kiss your husband again

GREEN KNIGHT: Well, Gawain
it’s been a great time here at Castle Makeout
but you’d better go fight that Green Knight you keep talking about

GAWAIN: I will probably perish when it is his turn to deliver the blow
Farewell, friend

GREEN KNIGHT: Gawain
Gawain it was me the whole time

GAWAIN: what

GREEN KNIGHT: I’m the same guy
and I’m not gonna kill you
I’m just gonna fuck up your neck a little because you kept my wife’s underwear and didn’t tell me
but you’re all right, guy
you’re all right

GAWAIN: what the hell
what the hell was the point of any of this
why the hell did you set all this up for

GREEN KNIGHT: :)

GAWAIN: what the HELL

KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE: henceforth we shall all wear green sashes
to celebrate the valuable lesson we have learned this day

GAWAIN: WHAT LESSON
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED

KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE: :)


http://the-toast.net/2015/06/03/sir-gawain-and-the-green-knight/
ride

Adventures in Advanced Britpicking

You know how, every time you read a British writer's assertion that "Sam was stood in the doorway" or "Bobby was sat in his chair' your mind boggles for a moment at the gall of whoever put them there?
And you think, for a split second- Whoa-
Sam's kinda large to be manhandling like that, and Bobby might bite.
And than your brain catches up with you, and you remember in British that just means "was standing", all on their own, nobody put them there and made them stay.
So you sigh with relief, quit looking surreptitiously around for that brave pushy villain and pick up the thread of the story again.
Maybe you're a little embarrassed because that weird little grammar thing still gets you Every. Single. Time.
So. Then there is this video, with the comment "I think its more disturbing that the cat is sat...ontop of the bannister!" followed by at least half a dozen assurances that the cat probably climbed up there by himself. A couple snarky "Cats do climb, you know" cracks.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155270620070061&set=p.10155270620070061&type=1&theater

And you are again bewildered, just for a moment, because this ONE time, when everybody else was thinking "who had the gall to put it there?", you didn't even notice the weird little thing. *Headdesk*
Funny video, tho. It was suggested under the brawling kangaroos video.
forest

(no subject)

So, I may be about to lose this journal if I never post. I realized I never posted any pics of the motel, and though I acquired dogs, rapidly growing dogs, I've never posted those either. So her's the motel, the dogs, Kokopelli on the left and Karma on the right, and the moon out back!
Kokopelli and Karma in their chairs
full-shot-of-motel
koko1motel 019
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alecoo kiaya91

Now I'm an innkeeper, I guess-omg what next?

So, after months of dancing with the crazy, I have embraced it fully. Bought myself a job. I just closed on a motel in Oregon- rustic old school affair right near Crater Lake.
Now the insanity really begins.

(It's just the sort of place boyz would stay, too;)
Oddly...More than 50 percent of the friends I have mentioned it to immediately asked if it was haunted (and one insisted that was implied in asking what's wrong with it? lol)
Maybe not so odd. I can't help but wonder if that implies more about me or about my friends?

Whatever.
Anybody want a job far from the madding crowd?